just fine

I am fine as long as Hayden's fine.

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Post stomach-bug, or whatever that was, Hayden had a great first day of school. His teacher said he seemed to really enjoy himself.

The morning of Day Two-- well, let me backtrack-- the evening of Day One, nighttime routine got stalled & Hayden consequently fell asleep much later than usual. This will not necessarily affect his wake-up time but on Day Two it did.

Hayden gets up on his own because he has an extremely accurate internal clock (or something). This is wonderful because he needs just the amount of sleep that he needs-- so if he's not done, he should not be woken up. But likewise if he is done, you can bet he will be ready to go about his day regardless if we are too.

I will only attempt to indirectly wake him up if we are really in a pinch. The morning of the 2nd day of school, by about 30 minutes before pick-up time, he was still out. His breakfast was ready & being kept warm, so at that half hour mark I decided it was crunch-time.

Everything went fine at first, but after he was dressed he would not sit to eat his eggs. I think he just wasn't finished waking up yet-- he wanted to relax on the floor with his iPad & that was that.

I tried prompting him, nudging him, reminding him, & so forth. Nada.

Finally I knew that the school van must have been in the driveway by then-- I didn't even have to look-- so I calmly said I would reheat his breakfast & pack it to take with him. But as soon as he saw the little container he did not want me anywhere near his breakfast plate. (By the way, it wasn't until later that I realized the van driver had in fact texted me when they were in the driveway. I think they were waiting there for about six minutes.)

Basically it was time to go NOW but at that point he sat & began eating. His precious breakfast in which I have to hide one of his meds.

But aside from that I felt horrible in that moment, because why shouldn't he be able to sit & eat his breakfast at his own pace. I think we both knew what was going to happen next, but I had to say it anyway.

So I stated that I was going outside to tell the driver that we would see her later, & that H would be on the route home. He immediately got upset & said that he wanted to go with her, but I reiterated that she could not wait for him because there were other students to pick up.

Hayden does not want to hear that, & it is not helpful for him, but that's what came out of my mouth because it was the truth. I quickly tried to fix the moment by saying that I wanted my own turn to take him to school.

I've used that line before but this time it wasn't working. So I headed out the door so the school van would not be waiting in our driveway any longer.

He was still in the house but I could hear him from outside, getting upset. I told the driver & the transportation aide what was going on, at which point H stood at our front door, consequently causing them to pull out of our driveway even slower (making things significantly worse). Anything that prolongs transitions is just. Plain. Bad. So I headed back towards Hayden because there was nothing else for me to do.

Luckily he followed me back in the house. But he was truly sad & sort of fell to his knees right in front of the television, wiping his eyes with his bare hands-- not the typical frustrated & tense kind of sad, but more as if he seemed disappointed.

When I entered the kitchen I saw his breakfast plate on the corner of the table, with most of its contents piled inside the plastic container beside it.

I don't know what it was about seeing that-- but it just broke my heart & I got this big lump in my throat. He was trying to go along with my first suggestion but he just couldn't organize his mind & body to agree quickly enough. His brain just can not do that sometimes.

Eventually something distracted him, we changed the conversation, & I drove him to school. We arrived there about a minute before the van. As I got Hayden out of my truck, I tried to recap for the new aide what happened. He tried to reassure me & nodded, & then he prompted Hayden towards the entrance. Hayden walked off with him-- not so much alongside him but near him-- with his handkerchief in his hand, & his hand near his mouth.

I did not have time to stop back home after drop-off, & before work, so  when I arrived at the office I was not quite put together. My wet hair had been pulled back in a clip & clearly forgotten, & I had flip flops on instead of shoes. Luckily today was Friday (& it's still summer weather) so it was not too big of a deal, but I definitely felt the way H had earlier-- steps were missed in my routine. I totally get it. You do feel unsettled.

Fast-forward to a couple of hours later, & I saw an email from the mom of a fellow classmate at H's school. We know them outside of school, too-- the family happens to live in our neighborhood. Well, it was a brief email to me & bunch of other parents reiterating the importance of attending the next Board meeting.

Turns out that her daughter's aide was abruptly let go. On the first day of school.

Long story short, this wonderful aide who had been working with her daughter throughout the past four years, was apparently one in a group of layoffs-- people who were contracted through one of the local agencies. I texted her after seeing the email, & then a couple of minutes later we were on the phone.

During our conversation I also explained about the change in Hayden's Aide this year, too. And furthermore, the only reason I even found out was because I ran into another parent at the grocery store over the summer. She apparently knew that all of the Aides in the special ed room were going to be different. 

Suddenly I realized just how lucky I was to have that chance encounter-- I mean even though I was grateful at the time, I was equally furious that this was never communicated to me from the school. I tried to make excuses in my mind-- new Principal, new Superintendent, new Education Consultant on the CST-- but really the lack of communication is inexcusable.

As I said in the Day One post, I think H is going to have a delayed reaction to the transition of the new Aide. For now, he is just going through the motions of being back at school & he's happy that his routine has resumed.

At the end of the day today the teacher note said that Hayden did great in health & music class, & had an awesome day.

As for me? I'm fine as long as he's fine. But clearly there's no end in sight for doing my part, to make sure it's always just so...

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