hear ya later

Sometimes when fragile x is trying to tell us something, we listen. Other times we hope for the best, put our hand up, & say hear ya later.

I do not always keep score but yesterday would be 1:0, with team X unfortunately in the lead.
Friday morning I happened to leave the house without any jewelry on, but I was wearing a hospital bracelet when I came home. My discharge papers indicate "Left Ear Injury".

Right now it's about 24 hours removed from the incident & I'm not quite sure how to talk about this one.

My primary reason for beginning this blog was to raise awareness. But another reason was more personal, in order to track Hayden's behavioral trends... before, during, & (if necessary) after medication.

When I was younger I kept journals, wrote poetry, created short stories, drew pictures, painted... these were among my most reliable "therapeutic" outlets if you will.

Yesterday's incident is not something I care to draw or put into a poem, but I can in fact paint a picture through my words. I wondered if I could do so using some sort of comic relief... I know when I am in the appropriate mindset, I am pretty good at that.

So I tried... I was thinking about a book that nearly anyone in the corporate universe has probably heard of. It's called A Whack on the Side of the Head, written by Dr. Roger von Oech. Although this author has nothing to do with anything directly related to people with special needs, I was thinking about this book because of its silly title. Maybe I could say yesterday was like A Whack on the Side of the Head & it's lesser-known sequel Hear Ya Later-- the latter of which is as truthful to the literary world, as unicorns are to the forest.

I would be the author of said imaginary sequel, but the meaning of its title is unfortunately not imaginary at all.

This is as far as I got, because after a few minutes the concept just wasn't very funny anymore.

I know we're supposed to learn from our mistakes, but in more ways than one I will not listen to that reason. Friday, as in yesterday, was the very last day during Spring Recess which I needed to bring H to work with me.

If you are among the people who read my atypical blog entry, then you might be shaking your head.

But for two days & at least three nights (depends how you look at it), Hayden was really great. He seemed back to his usual self. He had sleepovers at both grandparents homes, two nights in a row, with excellent reports & he came home happy. Friday morning was the same. Aside from coughing due to a mild head cold, the kid who woke up in Hayden's room was the sweet one we are accustomed to seeing.

He was happy to stop by my office that day. He was excited over the plan to go to DD after. He didn't even pick out any DVDs when we left the house, & didn't attempt to hoard half of his cars with us. He just grabbed his iPad, his hat, & was ready to go.

We have two walkways in front of our house & one of them goes to the street & the other to the driveway. Sometimes he likes to stand at the one that goes to the street, so I pick him up curbside. Friday morning when we left the house, we played our chauffeur game.

Everything was fine until we got out of the elevator & I couldn't get him to enter the office with me. Hayden tends to follow the person he is with, especially if they're acting like they don't mind whether or not he is following. So I tried to pretend like we weren't following the leader, & I went in the office & put my bag down. I peeked around the wall to see if he was coming & sure enough I saw him approach the glass doors. I stepped back so he wouldn't notice me.

Suddenly things got a little bit too quiet. I looked around the bend but he was gone.

I ran to the elevators & pushed the down button (thank goodness it's the only option). The one on the left opened & Hayden was standing there completely stone-faced.

I pulled him out & said we were leaving. I instructed him to come with me to get my bag. (However, long story short, a coworker ended up having to get it for me.)

Once outside, it was deja vous. He ran, I ran after him, I picked him up, he kicked, thrashed, screamed, cried, & I carried him back to the truck. We were still struggling as I was trying to get him to sit & the last thing I remember is seeing his right arm raise up.

Before I could react his hand came down on the left side of my head with such deliberate force that I would have thought it was only a bad dream... except the sudden, unbearable piercing inside my ear drum was so overpowering... the ringing so loud... stinging me from the inside out... that it could not be imagined.

Unable to buckle him in, I shut the car door. At this point I could not have cared less what the hell was going on in the backseat as long as he was confined to it. I stumbled around the vehicle to get in the driver's seat & that's probably when the panic set in.

I knew I needed to go to the hospital but I couldn't do that with him, by myself.

I still don't understand how this happened considering the driving distance between me, them, & the hospital, but somehow within about an hour & a half I was in the ER with two parental "emergency responders", one now-calm kid, & a completely deaf ear.

Approximately four hours later following a nurse exam, a doctor exam, & a CAT scan, I was told to make an appointment with an ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat Specialist) next week & then follow up with an Audiologist.

The CAT scan did not reveal anything so I was told the ear drum is likely ruptured but it's too small of a perforation for them to see. There is however visible swelling, which is no doubt contributing to the hearing loss.

My left ear is expected to regain function within a few days.

My heart, however, feels indefinitely bruised.

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