Clouds, May 2010

Clouds, May 2010

Friday, October 28, 2011

some truth to hurting the one(s) you love

School in September was nothing but good-better-best... the honeymoon stage as his K teacher calls it.

By the middle of October, situations at school became iffy. The teachers and aides sent various notes home of Hayden having a difficult time. Two days ago, for reasons unknown to anyone but Hayden, he demonstrated an "excessive use of inappropriate language" as his teacher reported. I wanted to crawl in a hole when I read the part about an "extremely difficult day for all the peers around Hayden", due to the aforementioned language being "heard in the halls by many peers".

The note began with a "so sorry to inform" preface, and concluded with another "so sorry to have to share this with you".

I feel awful from every angle-- that the staff knows how deeply hurt I am to hear this yet they're the ones dealing with it all day, that Hayden is clearly unable to express what's really bothering him, and worst of all that Hayden's peers may form opinions based on his difficult behavior.

I believe his afternoon aide was on the receiving end of most of Hayden's outbursts, and she still took the time to write me a comforting note yesterday, "Hayden wanted me to tell you that he had an awesome day. He had a much better day in kindergarten."

Then this morning, in keeping with wanting to cheer me up (at least that's what it seems like), his OT reported, "good day so far!"

I have no idea what these people are getting paid but I do know that whatever it is, it's not enough.

His morning aide added, "Hayden had a great morning (today). He was so excited to bring home the monkey puppet he made. He told me Poppa Z will be so proud of him."

His kindergarten teacher snuck one more note in:
"Good ending today; Hayden had fun at sparkle ball. Enjoy the weekend."

Sparkle ball is a kindergarten tradition when the kids earn sparkle balls that go into a large plastic jar. In recognition of good sharing, cleaning up, following classroom rules, and being kind to their peers they have a Sparkle Ball Party. Today they earned their first sparkle ball celebration.

Considering Hayden's off-behavior lately, I was genuinely concerned about possible over-stimulation + hyper-arousal = acting out. So needless to say, word of his success was a huge relief.

It was a bit of a different story this afternoon after I got home from work. Most Fridays Hayden's grandma is here after school, and I typically get home a couple hours after that. After my mother-in-law left I didn't rush to cook Hayden dinner as I normally would, because apparently he had a hearty snack (four chicken nuggets and a hot dog). Later he ended up consuming a cup of applesauce, three strips of bacon...and six fish sticks. Not all at the same time.

Anyway, after Hayden's grandma left he noticed a shopping bag that I brought home. Inside was a baking pan which you can make little cake pops with. I see it as a munchkin wannabe, and potential bribing power (for, say, toileting). Hayden thought it was a game and wanted to play with it, and didn't like his mother telling him otherwise.

His frustration escalated to throwing all the cushions off of the sofa, dumping a box of crayons on the floor, tearing any pieces of paper he could get his hands on, and knocking a couple of his snack table chairs over... among other things but you get the idea.

At least he saved it for home.

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