kinder side

Dear Fifth Grader,

Or sixth grader... I am not sure, except that you're a young boy who interacted with my son during recess today. I can not say if we ever met because I do not know who you are, but I am Hayden's mom. I was once a fifth grader, too-- that was a long time ago but I still remember it well.

In the school district that I went to as a child, our Middle School had 6th, 7th, & 8th grade. For me, both 5th & 6th grade were hard years because the elementary school I went to actually closed after 4th grade. So we not only had to attend 5th grade at a different school, but we would only be there for one year. Then of course 6th grade came & it was another big change entering the Middle School. 

Fifth grade had its highs & lows. We were the new kids & I remember having a lot of schoolwork-- more than any year before-- but I also remember meeting new people, & doing really well & earning my first writing award. I particularly enjoyed writing, painting & drawing, as well as gymnastics & swimming. I was grateful from a very young age to have these outlets that made me feel good. 

I am not sure what your hobbies may be, but I hope you enjoy them & make time for them. Hayden has wonderful interests! Thanks to youtube I have an even clearer idea of some of the things that really hold his attention-- everything from fixing cars & trucks (or working with tools in general), to doctors helping patients, or even kids singing in a school chorus. He also loves spending time with family & friends, & being outside.

I know that being a kid can be a lot to handle, or very overwhelming. And not just for someone who is in fifth grade-- you could be in any grade, & even adults get overwhelmed sometimes too. As a matter of fact, I felt very overwhelmed this afternoon shortly before Hayden got home from school.

You see, I found out that Hayden's feelings were hurt during recess. I would never want his feelings to get hurt, but I also do not want your feelings to get hurt either-- so I do hope you're okay.

I do not want to quote the words that (I heard) were spoken to him. And I do not need to because either way, you know what you said & how you said it. Just know that Hayden does belong in school as much as you or anyone else & that is where he is going to stay. And right now his life is all about school, & home, & community-- probably much like yours. Furthermore, while there are people who live in Institutions for different reasons, Hayden lives at home with his mom, dad, & our dog Sammie. He is a very happy person & I hope you have the opportunity to get to know him better. You will be pleasantly surprised just how much he understands & how much fun he is to be around.

Lastly, many people speak differently than other people... the way we pronounce our words can be affected by an accent, or by the muscles in our mouth, or by the way our brains work. The words we speak are our verbal language but there is also something called receptive language. Receptive language is understanding what people are saying to you. For the most part, Hayden's receptive language seems to have developed similar to everyone else's. However, his verbal communication-- while it continues to improve nearly every single day-- is still developing differently. This is because he has fragile x syndrome (which I am guessing you already know). Speech delay is not the only way that fragile x affects Hayden, but it is one of the most easily noticed differences.

At the beginning of every school year I speak to the kids in Hayden's class about these & other differences. I always tell the students that it's okay to notice differences, it just means you're paying attention. But it is never okay to make fun of someone. I do not know who you are because the school did not tell me, but the reason you should not make fun of someone or bully them is because (1) you will make the other person feel bad & (2) you will also make yourself look bad. And that would not be fair because the truth is I bet you are a really great kid... just like Hayden.

It takes a lot of work to be in control of how we make others feel, & it takes a lot of practice. Sometimes I am not good at it either, but we are all capable of trying. Hayden has to work on this, too-- because fragile x can make him feel extremely overwhelmed... even without being in a new school. But underneath his challenges Hayden is a truly kindhearted person & one of the very best I know. I am guessing the same of you. 

I told the person I spoke with at school that I think it would be a great idea if you had a chance to help Hayden every once in a while, because I am confident you could both learn from that.

I do hope moving forward you allow Hayden to see your kinder side. I bet you're someone that he could look up to.

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