goldilocks

So I went to my first PTA meeting at H's new school. But before you yawn & close out of this, give me a minute...

As most people know by now he transferred out of district about two thirds of the way into the school year, last year. On my list of reservations was (& still is) the separation from his home community. There are really incredible families in our school district, & one of the many details that can make our lives so much better are people who know H & know us... & we just don't have to explain anything. And there are so many members of our community who truly adore him. Obviously this is invaluable.

On the other hand, sometimes our world doesn't have as much in common with others in the same local school-home-community network, even though they are our friends & neighbors. It's just a fact when you have a kid who will never quite catch-up to his same-grade peers. Over the years I've gone to countless meetings, volunteered at dozens of events, participated in anything that I could get Hayden to go to, & sat alongside fellow parents who I not only genuinely like but admire for what they do for our community. But there's always a piece missing from the puzzle of commonality.

Interestingly, primarily due to geography, a similar thing happens when I am with others within the fragile x network. Yes we are one big family in the sense that we all share a unique connection, & again, one of the many details that makes our lives so much better are the people who we just don't have to explain any context to. Being able to say everything & ask anything, obviously this too is invaluable. However because we do live throughout so many states & even countries, some level of disconnect is inevitable. Similar looking puzzle but the pieces are different.

In our home district I have volunteered & been involved in one way or another for every year since H became a student. But tonight I went to my first PTA meeting at H's new school. It was the first time I have ever sat around a table with other parents whose side-dialogue sounded like me talking. A mark on their arm from their child, a story about a broken door at home, a challenging dentist appointment, having to make an abrupt exit from any number of settings... the list could go on. The amount of detail that others don't see because everything seems fine & your child looks fine... but you know better because you have a damn doctorate in recognizing your child's subtle signals. 

My son is in sixth grade & I never quite knew what it felt like to be among other parents who have so many of the same puzzle pieces both at home & in school. Not one or the other.

The decision to basically turn Hayden's world completely upside down was not only difficult, but extremely abrupt. Figuring out what to do next reminded me of the fear I felt when he was diagnosed in the first place, almost eleven years ago.

I can't begin to describe that fear any better than I could possibly explain the relief of finally knowing that we made the best decision. What I can say is that it's absolutely nothing to yawn about because it feels just right. 

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