Clouds, May 2010

Clouds, May 2010

Friday, September 23, 2011


Our morning was pretty typical. Hayden had breakfast, made an unproductive mess in the living room, dragged toys into my room while I was getting dressed, annoyed me a little bit, swung on his therapy swing, and finally the bus arrived.

Don't get me wrong...I still get nervous every single time it pulls away, but I am growing slightly accustomed to the 10 minutes of "me" time in the morning. In the life of a parent, that can feel like an hour.

I told H he could go ahead-- I just had to fill up his water bottle. I heard him shouting something to the bus, and its driver, as if he was surprised to see them both in our driveway. Just Hayden being silly.

When I got outside a moment later, he was just getting on the bus. So I went to lead him to his seat, but he wouldn't sit.

He has never done that before, and I didn't think much of it. I tried a couple of times, and he really wasn't getting on that bus. There was crying involved-- a lot of it. By this time he had made it off of the bus, and we were now having this conversation on the wet grass of our front lawn. So then I went to pick him up-- the only way I still can when he's fighting me-- with one arm around his torso and the other between his legs. 

But he kept on backing away from me. So after a couple of tries, and a lot of sweat, I basically told the bus driver, "I may have to drive him."(By the way, this is the same bus driver that H has had for the past three years during the preschool program.)

We are now a couple of weeks into the new school year, and Hayden has not had an issue with the bus. The bus driver tried helping me, and telling Hayden they were going to go pick up the other little boy, but Hayden was not getting on that bus. I had to tell the bus driver to go ahead and get the other child so he would not be late.

As soon as Hayden saw that bus pulling away, he got even more upset. It was as if he was desperate and witnessing something absolutely horrific. He was completely beside himself-- hysterical-- that he was not on that bus.

Eventually he followed me inside. I tried to calm him down; clean his face. I sent an email to my supervisor that I may be a little bit late, and then we left for school. Approximately 5-7 minutes after we were on our way, he finally stopped crying.

And then I realized-- I am pretty certain-- what just happened.

Hayden was tired. Once I thought about it, I recalled that he woke up looking like he needed a little bit more sleep. And then I remembered that when I got myself and his backpack ready, and went to put his socks and shoes on, he was sitting on the floor with his back against the couch wearing the same face he does when it's past his bedtime.

We are now a couple of weeks into the new school year. And I suppose that's not quite long enough for him to readjust to the busy post-summer schedule. 

That is probably what caught up with him on this particular Friday morning. Tired. He had a pretty typical nights sleep for him, but he's not typical and I guess sometimes his need for sleep isn't either.

The crying, indecisiveness, fight-like resistance, and disorganization of motor skills is how "tired" manifests itself. Symptoms that the rest of us know how to suppress. And let me tell you, following these types of incidents I am left feeling just as exhausted as Hayden. But on behalf of him, I really can't be.


  1. Oh, boy do I ever understand that one! Good writing!

  2. I am sure! It's a relief to connect with people who can literally empathize (& thank you)